英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
4 [7 B( y# L4 \! o& D6 i/ W, f$ |bike and asked for forgiveness.
6 i+ ~! a* U% X; J* n6 N- ^开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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9 y% e9 |/ D6 q4 A5 r2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
5 j: d" H. Q4 c4 Q2 q% T我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
( c& u2 J% r& D* J样死法啊！
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' W; Y) ~" e; K3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
/ N# e$ K; d: f; E5 G* ^8 o6 x! V! ^你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

1 h# H  _/ j7 `4 l) b: ^: y意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

8 q2 C9 G' V' {  @+ F5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

5 v; K4 m* C7 O/ Gb. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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  h$ p: s8 W0 n$ i6 e% f6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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5 G3 I' S& p/ R7 s8 V: Y' Oa. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！

" |: v$ p5 b# K6 fb. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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# f; J1 U" D$ r; _  t7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
7 E" }7 h3 x& j% w/ Y在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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0 R, O: U+ n7 e- U; C! X8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
4 S9 L" M% U7 H& rbetter have a good hand.
( o3 r( K% z( S8 ]* g" \, ?' GXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。

3 t3 U0 c, Y, ?. L9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
7 z' u" f- y# s. zn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
- l3 d' W# ^6 G1 }# |还是很有喜感。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
# U& j: }0 i& X# D: i6 J9 Wged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
3 J" x1 g& y+ j6 n8 t1 c了！！
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! m$ G+ [. I4 p1 u; v9 ?: K11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
% |* A/ T; S( O9 \& N$ ^$ S战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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# p8 \8 {& E* z+ _13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
, u' _8 R) e3 K4 {  @- o我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
8 L1 {% E1 s2 E* i; X9 on, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！

15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
% Q( t$ h6 K" T0 g光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...


% N# m# J! }: T) \; X) f16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。

17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
9 |; m! [9 _0 n4 Y/ c曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
s.
3 ?7 W4 u6 r" U! ~0 d+ L1 o你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
$ f; F) n3 e3 _1 iXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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: p4 p% \* t0 ^3 m/ e4 }: {22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
5 |- Y1 {7 I6 a0 v* x+ a如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
7 a5 }1 s3 F2 K  Zuit salad.
* i6 B1 h) e% L5 g$ o5 s直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
; o1 m# c7 P' r. o, P+ S! ]* j) C篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~

24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
' Z, c# U( q. d  u2 q( M上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
% ]" Z; Q* P5 x. L( c! y( |无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
. On my desk, I have a work station..
$ }& s$ |+ ^  m3 [$ n公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
! ~. `& t7 f; i) `4 c/ T& w要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
% [( }# \! c  @, t7 U2 q% h3 f! im fish?
( _* h+ X7 }1 c2 s4 H海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。

- L1 j0 {1 [, e+ T30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
6 x" n' W0 E5 @g.
( W* _8 @( ]6 [# y/ xa. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！

3 k" P3 N* i; C! R: G6 \8 @31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
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8 A. q, \: j' o5 m1 v# V32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
% g( O% Y$ g7 J: W0 kand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
. @. U/ v2 C1 I  @孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
" p* k; @+ G. E2 R+ S; nt check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？

  ^8 s/ `5 r. ]% J% h( a- d1 D34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
l doubt.
6 ~  r% O# }: e  O8 `& Sa. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
4 m6 N1 H2 r# n+ j$ y, qb. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
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3 w) V) p7 l0 H% q% _& V' t( w+ T  X+ Q35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
1 C: j3 v& G5 S( ut need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
* a: M* D4 Y6 j5 |$ ?a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
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b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫

38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
" ?9 P/ K: D) xa. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
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0 Q9 T' ]6 L3 z/ e9 @; k$ p1 ^- O% m39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
/ Y' j0 w3 u# \4 |a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
5 d' a' E( [# X8 e2 Cb. 想立牌坊就得会装

0 L& c3 D) e! N' _. |/ L, v% W40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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; F- V5 Y' X3 N5 C4 {# `. o7 {41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
0 k7 t% i1 U) Fa bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
2 e( n; M0 M  v* k3 x( m, S。

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。

43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
/ |5 u/ T$ D& q$ Srls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！

. }4 V9 T0 m: @9 `0 d5 U8 c44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
/ ?/ p; r4 c' ~, Y0 o( x; \ch.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
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3 Q3 `  d6 E9 U! r, V* W45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
' o: c$ ?; o" g, n有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.

* Y$ W2 N" y7 l46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
/ \  N2 Q$ i/ }5 D9 f0 z4 ]我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。

5 X  A, t  N% o' C' H5 Q  f  s47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。

48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
% E% M0 L4 l: P3 n么忙？！
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
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) K& I* y4 s3 h  g7 K, N1 S! s第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多

* h, x# j! Y) I" `第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

# p* m8 z- o! [4 \; n: y8 ?5 Z2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
5 q8 w. ]' C; R我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
5 L$ N; S# f  C" k) ^& b$ _样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)
3 Z+ g! ?7 g9 Z$ |! a+ R1 P$ I
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。

6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
8 R9 p. u  ~% {5 V) p先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
( @0 J4 ~9 J! \" S' E& c7 wXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。
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5 p, t  S1 `% o. j! C: ?, x9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
' V7 R8 }6 ?$ \$ d# o: P+ ~n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
7 g4 x, l6 g) p7 c8 [4 f. e还是很有喜感。
# }$ m& }$ ^0 e某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。
# p  F8 k6 i( ~: [; @4 g* J
/ [: B* |  ]0 S1 e" D10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
7 z  ]1 j' t5 n+ z政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
3 ]" G% u% X( O8 t) |了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样
, X8 T8 F& ^1 Q( P* ?$ }
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
2 N; ~: N+ s3 @# H# un, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

4 i5 L0 Q* Y3 ^2 B& K2 ^* V16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
- D2 `7 @6 k7 f3 p每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。
3 x1 q, u  A" c, b2 {
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
6 i9 h, l' N$ Z3 h& @
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
9 M3 d& J8 w% ?% W9 _若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊

; Y1 _. q4 h$ `8 H$ Y5 O5 f
7 C; i. `3 R: c  L; |7 ?9 s) t另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子
8 G  p/ H; T7 m% v
$ D# k; ?3 i, X第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

我觉得N版改得经典