英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
9 w3 d2 K) z$ ^# cbike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
" V. {( ~: @* T! I4 o/ g辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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2 E1 }) c9 E" J  N: f6 f$ m; r5 Q2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
; m2 n4 p9 R' {8 V* l( C我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
  q/ f& V+ Q, [. |: cwith experience.
1 T" S; {- ]+ e1 i你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
. [: Y" e, Z, M" M+ @直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
) S" R( a. Q( z0 y
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

8 {( Q( T( n4 ]6 g/ m意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
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b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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2 j/ t' E+ @  G( x( O6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  Q& \/ q$ t8 Y
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
* O+ f( ^& A" }) q在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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/ M, ]" B7 Q- m2 N/ M  M1 P8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
- L, ?1 T3 n+ u( Abetter have a good hand.
0 o7 N# ]- T- M, OXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
6 S1 B) B1 C; t1 {8 D- U
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
% b: x- f( F' Bn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
5 P# {3 {; m; l* L5 d  Z: }  {ged regularly, and for the same reason.
. B9 d& R# J1 i, X2 z政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
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7 C" X  o4 U6 E# c. ~" u% f: t" V12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
2 ?* @6 C3 U# b% m5 N, W! g我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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! @0 Q! ~" p1 i5 ~/ \$ i14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
) U9 U) `! d1 y7 i7 l. Z: Mn, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！

15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
2 U( I, y/ v$ t& `9 E  z( P光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...


16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
( L) a; G4 t, r5 S$ F; X- c曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
  L9 h+ F7 s0 N. n; q0 @+ Es.
3 S' z4 o8 ]- A, E  ?你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

( U# V$ w3 S% T* \, h' W19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
1 s& |8 a- q* h/ H4 ?2 c1 e; _XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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- A0 k( Y+ ], W8 ]  \5 q0 i21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
. t1 G5 M2 @; P; f如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
uit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
2 w( n+ H0 a6 A: T7 K" L意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
/ Z, Y& Z% b8 v: Y8 D/ }& a7 b篮子。
( A: Z( I* u- I意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
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' t/ e- ^. }) b+ U! r; K24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
0 T+ O& @3 }" {无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
, b4 y3 A4 \" t- J  y0 W5 A& V* J老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

, a" f2 q6 \  c$ D27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
. On my desk, I have a work station..
# Y  r' X/ ~0 f; |公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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: g/ p' n7 t, N28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
; v1 J5 N. C0 @要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

1 c* Z% ^7 G4 A5 |; D+ `0 G  e+ C29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
1 W' M5 d( p  v( Z% u% |) nm fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
. o- Q2 X* W9 y) Z( v了。
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
' A. @% s, f" C" kg.
a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！

31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”

32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
' c6 w' w: `2 \  S+ i4 _1 ?孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
3 Z6 N" z& h  S% ?" l7 D4 f' m) T' mt check when you say the paint is wet?
$ N; ]% `  s- T  H0 Y为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？

" D2 b. u2 X! [4 \: o0 X# d6 w34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
! p8 ?/ x4 k  }9 O3 M+ pl doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
, D0 ^. l  m/ z5 h4 m  l; W1 L+ Pc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
! B& g6 W+ A0 @4 Wd. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。

- x7 ~: g% |2 K3 `- S/ S, D+ [35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
! p2 ~  p/ O1 D/ o3 c! f4 _% N银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
0 z$ b0 M# }) B5 h7 H% Pa.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

+ u3 S* b  h5 `" a0 I* d' U- O3 k37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
: Z. t7 n; D$ Ja. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
/ h+ y7 m% I/ d2 e; ]$ z" S6 {% W, ca. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
/ f) q* r" k& Q( q- e& N# P: `8 Nc. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装

$ e- k2 @4 D$ a; G- w5 k  t4 X) Q& J* f40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
4 q+ n, V  V# z# y; N% g4 |4 u如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* K$ A4 d9 X0 q. A( `小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。

$ t4 q- `' {4 B. y43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
rls live.
. Z$ G/ r0 R2 m圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！

  d/ d/ ^* W' P' k& W' V44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
4 J; D# E& s- r: _/ I$ g+ E$ t意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
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45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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& E+ J5 Q& Z8 e2 B& R1 F# E46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
' O& E- c# A6 k4 t1 x* ]great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。
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47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
- p7 k: X/ B) @6 ~! M" b$ d. r直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
3 g( o- U0 |) @' Y4 B( e我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
2 a! D' h1 y2 ^* Y! o* J当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
+ h! {( S( F& S: Z% M么忙？！

* {( M" ?1 q# k9 a* W7 r" Q# K' Z, p50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
! Y. i% `1 j; ~* C' @9 ^( h上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
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; V5 P& y/ h# X& |% x第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
9 A8 N; D% p! M: w/ B$ ^, v
第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
8 R. }6 U4 y  G* |& Xnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
: l% k. ^% E9 w- A我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
) D  M+ b2 b& x. N. h样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)
+ A' G; X/ I' p" A+ H) Z
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
; l; V* {- Q+ G5 z7 w6 v; Ya. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。

+ ?5 o* J# C* r' Y6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
9 E# l% i' P; t$ u4 [- I3 Ca. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
# A3 P$ Z- I. u4 O" B7 I! d( bbetter have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
' c( s0 R' M; P& P3 J" }5 \' uXXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
" _! k$ Y  |0 w7 _- S% kn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
# D/ [. E/ L$ g8 e: g5 j有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
8 {2 W( T' _, k! G还是很有喜感。
某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。
. _0 n% k/ Z; @
, e4 R9 v6 `% S+ G- ^. C: F2 B& I10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
3 a/ X/ r* P+ q! yged regularly, and for the same reason.
6 F+ W. _0 ?$ C; [# c政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

) m  L& ?6 h5 g% q, d5 c" M* _0 i14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
* T1 I' E+ [$ f: t6 k/ y男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
) S- B4 `( K6 `# a1 o我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
% _  ~$ }# `6 o4 y6 C' g' @每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
2 T1 A3 q6 \+ i" d/ L1 k* F" X曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
: X) m. B" g& p3 D8 r曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
) @( J" F# V2 |+ @: T
) q" B. [, u, {- D19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
# T! H9 ?/ L2 rXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
6 f" T& |; I1 h) k; PXXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
3 x5 x  v6 n  k- K8 v0 ga. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊

- \# m( `; I7 h, D* q6 p* H4 I
) G/ p' d; m5 S6 N1 c' C; }另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子
! a3 c4 g5 D$ W1 e: K
第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
) I( r. ^8 ]+ `! ?; {3 g不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

. f! {3 e$ K6 ]/ i3 ^5 t4 @我觉得N版改得经典