英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
. ~+ p, O$ z. ?: t" a$ A8 dbike and asked for forgiveness.
3 T) V' a) ~& F* o5 W开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
- p0 N: d$ o+ s辆然后求上帝宽恕。
. Q+ y! [: |1 Q& Y  o
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
) n% p7 \7 F" S) s我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
9 }4 q7 F8 ^$ b, Y, I' e
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
( l, w- q% w+ f. E你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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& m/ c) W# \1 W) z1 [7 Z$ r  @4 G- K4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
! Q' g+ w) R7 c. \- s3 G* H直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

  R( x+ |8 [; a4 ~( W% d8 u- t意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
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意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
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. s6 B2 K. D2 a( L; E$ E5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

! D- p$ ~5 N/ B  f5 q8 ^b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。

4 I, u- _! a% z/ z6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* ~  ^  P# `, _. R% `( z
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！

b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

* c. H# s8 E# J/ H5 Z6 L- \7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
. ]2 I2 A0 M* s; s8 Y! y; u在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。

" E( z! p, Z: w1 g8 V0 n  R9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
$ M7 [6 S9 t  ~n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
9 E+ B. L2 `& L4 N& [有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
7 K& t" y. U4 g& x( ?政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
4 l# T2 M1 M  a  M. e7 {) I8 W了！！
  v( c6 a2 B4 j
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
' u7 d# A/ N2 I, @9 N+ |
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
4 Z3 U& c# f) ^. S0 S& Y) Ba. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

( y; Z! Y3 g" K* Y% mb. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

/ p9 l' `% U8 M4 d13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

" P( s# b2 I1 C% l7 q2 a( x9 ?) t  `14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
6 b$ O# f6 C4 K- ?6 ^. z
. g( w4 T) X' q! k6 t' V4 i& W15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
3 W$ K( u/ z# F) I0 s: s# S光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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6 [* [. ^9 H( U16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。

3 l/ i* f8 o2 [2 R; ]17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
4 [& M2 D: j9 n0 m! J  F
9 k4 b7 J  a# Q18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
4 l2 z/ I+ A3 w$ X# us.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
! y' @" O( I$ F8 b5 H+ a- j' |1 ]XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...

20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
7 T6 ~0 M: P1 Y# h6 _3 u, p+ Utell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
. ]/ S7 b- s/ \7 ^8 e
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科

22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
* s& r0 [: `8 Ss it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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" D# c' C# Z: R+ S9 q23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
uit salad.
* W" p+ I$ {& P直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
% {! G# _+ }: H3 L0 ^/ l" t) C* d意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
+ J0 M# S- W" n  I- b篮子。
; L! H  m! g1 t& Q意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~

8 Z) h( G) i2 E! o24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
; u( A% }1 p: H9 e/ l5 R上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
0 ~# J% g7 U5 H% O" ?same night.
! B3 M* m9 J* d: A9 t# V. T- B. m5 v无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。

26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
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- f" l0 D7 D5 X$ v' g; t: t0 E27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
5 i! }* V( ], c# P. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
5 t% v* o) h; s+ D) C$ Q/ U要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

% P  D# I& U2 B: n29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
3 [2 n' O0 u( t$ V  H& g4 |8 J) C" Tity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
( Y" v: _" ^4 o% Sm fish?
( q2 J) w6 l! E  k+ Q海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。

0 h' r* l7 r$ `! n) {- \. i30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
5 Z7 @' q% O; \1 ^6 l. c. Rg.
7 M0 A" l, b  n0 na. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
: O+ D- N2 }  o' Z, c  P0 P8 ub. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
1 G$ U, y  a2 r+ H* B. f! l
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”

32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
, }$ y1 g% K1 ~& L7 Jand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
* G2 `& q4 u4 d2 c/ Q" r" Aup.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
: K5 P- x' X" R: _; d/ yt check when you say the paint is wet?
7 u6 m" s  P. p- n* r1 `' x& G( q为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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; P2 j0 V! C, t) E' g3 {34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
; U& Y- A9 K) a# Gl doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
# I) k; V7 {( Y5 F; Z+ y8 }& Nc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
9 g* J+ D" @1 ^2 c% {3 _
5 U" d0 P7 [) E5 o35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
4 F7 U. i3 d! z银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

; @& X' M  L8 U7 G0 ]: j2 [36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  \9 w* d) S. K. _8 a) Ma.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

7 b% z9 S$ b, p; H& E37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
: ]8 O# c3 Z' ^, J& ?; E! I意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
, O9 I0 n4 u) ga. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
" O( |; T  o, F$ y' Y, N意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
3 b  c3 M. H/ w" T! Sc. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
  n: ^' I7 U& j; ~a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装

40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
: k$ g2 L( N/ G  r9 U7 N& m, G临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
- }; }: @, F' w4 i* G& S8 ]a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
+ G. Q& L1 R+ A: N; q: A. x。
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' h3 z, r6 U4 \' e! b42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。

2 C3 U8 u: f& v43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
rls live.
* J% E7 B$ O" Y8 o8 F# y3 M圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
/ U! n4 p6 F4 u  O. d3 i剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
9 T) R" g; C. v6 w* F
/ F" K4 d7 x6 H- p' R45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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7 o# Y  B5 \8 u* D5 \3 _/ v46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
2 F% F6 C) `! k) O# `7 C, n/ f4 {great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
9 ^* }3 }6 R. ]- K" ?4 c叫声是一样滴。
+ k; w! J( H9 B/ H
6 p; G- l0 s* A+ ^0 ]47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
4 D( ], Q- l6 O: u$ ?- S/ i1 H; `意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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/ \0 ~6 \6 O; g; `48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
% g0 _6 U9 r! `, L1 \我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

# C- V) X' S2 ^! i6 p49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
$ |+ o0 K5 }% O* S8 U  sy, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！

8 u* q0 k3 J, u% t) D) }. L) j& Z50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！

winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
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4 J, t* @7 y4 \7 w( B: C) C第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
" g: l1 X: a: S0 |6 I" P
第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

) X; |0 N& u# G  U" N+ P2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
0 s9 s  N" H) ?9 h: ^6 F- l. Gnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
8 O7 ?+ e/ K9 H, d$ F我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
5 n5 {! u9 H1 W, n/ H我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
$ R, u+ u% W/ G, j/ G7 y9 \" Ja. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
3 D8 g0 Q" x  l& y
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
: ?: v& B' d4 F先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）
& X" @. Y* h: ^! S2 P3 n3 N5 S
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

# I7 f, u. }# s0 J! }- B* `9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
. A" E; S  E. q; s7 @1 x  @8 an't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
5 V: d2 y# W! y6 [7 g有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。
某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。

' b& M5 M  e6 T3 Z# S7 d; y9 {1 n* v10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
, K2 K9 B3 r- ~  S* q9 f2 @/ w' \- _ged regularly, and for the same reason.
& d2 A6 P0 r6 x政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
' I$ j6 L/ l, X4 c1 I政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样
9 A; D' n1 \7 r) J2 {/ n$ b
7 l* [- O& O5 }. A, ?14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
" H. f3 w' q. {" q* v, g; v男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。
$ X+ Q  ]$ D" u
+ {% @6 e$ m! _9 s8 |16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
5 i: x; }8 H) F! m5 D" }! G我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
  i$ ^+ y5 N2 M5 e* {每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。
7 b3 Z/ ?$ {. B: S( ~. I- R
4 U' n( z1 h- X. ?( `17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
, C5 Y8 V* ]: {- c+ B曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
/ U" S" S. u  }% i" q- N) \
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5 |5 J% p. O+ N  B& iXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
4 B. n% U+ T% V
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
: R6 v$ z" T' ~, H( Y% D/ {a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
1 t! S5 T0 g. c: c) d3 ~

& {8 M- K1 o$ s; t, {8 X另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子
3 t8 o5 |) }! ^% D  C: o4 t5 S% u
6 X: h* [% F5 p" Z$ k3 [第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了
8 @4 D8 t6 d, l  D5 |
5 k( k& G- r, f我觉得N版改得经典