1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a 8 s# z( ]& {4 _( R; S+ o* D& ^3 v
bike and asked for forgiveness.2 U$ q: A- `, O- K, f. q% \5 t1 o
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
9 a# T$ _/ t. j. I# }辆然后求上帝宽恕。- c! _" T% @- p+ f$ T/ ]8 S
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a2 e$ ]1 K, ~; \/ ~9 k7 r
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.: D2 H# O8 u7 U2 x
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
- V8 g8 {9 A; R3 A样死法啊！- h. g; z$ i3 Q! f) f
. e( V. v8 F2 Y4 k3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
8 H: X F6 } U: }4 `with experience.
9 J( f# {8 f4 T: _' [- H你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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6 R* ?% l. w' b" j2 A3 R4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
0 d& _4 h3 X( e+ J, b, Y/ ]7 V直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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8 ?+ c: l, @# x4 K意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
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意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
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5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
8 `: [0 M1 ?8 aa. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
4 u' g/ H5 Q2 |7 S2 }3 V7 v9 o+ P' Y, b" l8 \ \' R! \. D4 N9 j5 X
b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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+ l( h% o$ W$ \# ~a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！0 `6 t/ A) o, W* s# D
) m) {" j. d5 e3 x6 P3 _3 c# f
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。3 O; u; U5 K$ H \
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.& _' I; U; L, ]% }1 z- B
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.& _* M3 H2 [2 m3 Q1 A, O
% W5 z, f, O9 {* _# N' @" c; A8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd " L, \/ a" {5 R% v6 Q# d- ^: R
better have a good hand.3 c5 {0 O% _' `9 l& n
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
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8 _6 l5 V% C- `/ @9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
) ?" C2 O0 [ O* @( En't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
: l0 O5 d, ?) c有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
+ n W9 R1 {* z还是很有喜感。
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan& x4 r) w1 N) `! _. K
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
. _6 d' l9 ^) }政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏% G! H+ z+ \4 y" B, v! A& T% \$ M
了！！
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/ b4 a) f3 E! J; l m8 v9 M11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
. j/ c. U* ~- W' \4 y战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。/ {+ W1 e6 r7 V5 i: A. s6 s' a! [
4 A, f& Q8 z; v" |! u4 \' O; `) ]12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
* C" w5 k( I3 s! M3 F: F! i.- ~# t/ i) e8 z6 F$ s, e2 o6 r
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！
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6 d! Z) E: x6 l, R% O3 B1 rb. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.( m" @: L. Z2 C6 j
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。2 Z1 v1 i1 r0 X) v! f3 }1 D) _) I
5 S! u1 y* I! z+ k14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
, S1 t1 V/ X! J4 l" c& B/ S# q- }n, make him a sandwich.
! V$ L! l- s0 o j* m0 a男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
$ c% r3 [9 |9 \9 O) {5 p# ail you hear them speak.
/ U' \( F' U- e" T光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
2 K' x- b0 F- O% E我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。& T$ u7 r* \- \- ?
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
/ E% g9 Y8 d2 M" ]( `9 y9 R曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
8 n- @' }3 N6 j9 C+ K8 ws.
! L$ |; i4 C- J J4 x/ A你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.9 P& N( T1 h2 B
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...* ^2 o8 x4 D$ K; |* W g0 C. i" m( X
9 S4 K3 K5 R! H) f& M2 d( [6 j20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to & S, d9 h% ^& w" I
tell you why it isn't.
5 K% X# v# I2 _1 f) z晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
+ b# v; t$ h/ d- u1 c7 S. n1 d k9 F$ K$ k b9 _ L- i
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole, f. @$ u7 l) ?0 H* k# r
box to start a campfire?. j% `: s% k+ A
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
+ m; O% `% {8 [ q1 }意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
& t$ \8 M6 G2 e: xs it?3 Y! d* {7 M" ?# T3 k0 {+ r1 N# W! K
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr$ F0 x+ \5 l2 u9 D: V
uit salad.
/ G! [2 e0 y7 u) b直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
' W# k3 N- _, t l意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个. q2 A4 V0 t$ L* }/ w- a* t+ g
篮子。
# |. `' Y+ ]0 n& Z! Z6 T/ R意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~" r- ~; T4 I* x
4 ~) B, w) E% z" ^24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
7 M& n/ C, C9 \7 _, R上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
" \2 _1 P5 t3 T. a* Z$ C* \8 @same night.
4 V! ]! S4 Z6 _8 n5 Q2 Y无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。. `' X; _6 C, A" K: l
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian1 y" v( k) ^9 J+ m% G5 s, j
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。! s) o1 c, T' [5 l% B" [2 u
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops4 t. I1 k" w- J0 M0 ~% [
. On my desk, I have a work station..8 c9 U& |& o0 z- \
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong., D' N, Z5 `' l, s7 G3 c
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。 X7 A3 G9 P4 K) ]
3 ^2 q2 I2 v2 p" B9 S2 h2 U29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
$ L z) H B( _ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
4 E( @! q/ `) b$ E1 }7 @. ~8 em fish?# z) o; \) n8 m- C& {3 U' W1 g
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
, M2 P, Q: J/ u了。, V. J- ]; P$ `7 T3 A3 P
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
3 Z0 O8 e' g- u, b# sg.
- _1 W) Y/ c* _0 pa. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！ D* q6 f! {& B& D( H% N' `! q- j
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！% z3 \" f" A% t; Y' I/ o; w" A
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”6 v' g: M* [, i+ H6 T6 \
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
' u( o. G* _# X8 y i! w0 L/ {9 qand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-$ T9 C- j6 O% W2 M0 O% }% {
up.. C; ~8 Q, l& T2 D6 [
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu. K& b3 J% P z4 f0 I
t check when you say the paint is wet?' o o3 G9 c9 _0 O- ~" D
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al; h9 Y" `4 F4 f S9 F s, ]- i" U2 R
l doubt.
4 l2 ^' q) c/ M7 X( w0 S Ya. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。& \3 q& r7 j- b7 f: J
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。. C; ~/ C7 ^" x, N
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
+ T' b! T& T w# I. ]& _" }d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。/ m$ B8 l8 h9 n. h8 J
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35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don') Q& i0 |' W* e7 ?
t need it.' ?) l, v: S6 M7 ^* x
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.0 r) R3 ~4 \9 q
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
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b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
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7 W5 L$ j! h) c4 o37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
) u! L& g. f# S" w& X5 ]5 Da. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！3 T$ A' V c& q7 ^
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
0 p, {( F% p& a" Q& oa. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？ t+ z2 r) R! y& r- i5 {
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”0 k3 b2 H8 h5 y+ ?. W* j. G) Z
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
7 [/ }0 ~. X5 F9 U: W. p7 C5 la. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
4 M9 O |0 L: V' kb. 想立牌坊就得会装
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! @* l0 D8 c3 X( N- E e40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
1 o2 a, I4 H1 w' u, p$ c* S2 ^临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
( v6 d! C& L1 z I& ta bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.1 M1 r- }2 l/ }( o
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
& j' E: z1 X& u9 m& i0 |。
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1 B j/ M0 l# _0 g- a; ^( m42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
7 ? \' F4 I' k; Z; {, j5 d0 z小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi1 I9 O& ~$ X, P' _% p
rls live.- [' l) d3 T& e7 l
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！. o$ A6 M( M4 W# M2 q/ N
; o8 v: R U) @44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
2 I) d% Y, U b- uch.
z3 R- }1 h5 `4 \% M; M剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
! g x$ O6 m7 \8 T4 P7 f* T5 |意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。6 j) k1 I9 l( ~; s# c6 r% O4 s
$ Z' J: ?2 x& \ S0 Y45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.4 T' }1 g5 E6 f4 `7 ^/ W! S0 k! e
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.) M6 q) m) Y6 @0 G
, F+ }* G; R; l) G46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
7 K. h2 H; {4 }% dgreat white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
. F9 b+ f, p/ u+ R我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨2 `0 Z/ g( t4 Q4 O7 u$ S
叫声是一样滴。
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1 `: c, ?/ f# I6 ?* C) i5 K3 ~6 L0 N47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.+ _- x2 y& z6 B9 Y- @
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
* U1 [; X% F6 V$ [; k+ o意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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, n0 o6 w" ^6 A3 f g7 f48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.% _/ B, r8 W) x9 g. l
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
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" C1 g, m: g! H, r: O U49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
9 X. K# h# G( H* r* j# T9 ty, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?; k) L1 w3 Y/ m- a0 K
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什' j- V/ e# h- C* P6 c! A6 i
么忙？！
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' |, c6 P- Q6 X, l' `( u7 |: e2 A3 e50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.; P' A' u- B( p; D
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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发表于 2011-4-5 19:49
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