1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a ( z5 a3 f2 S3 d
bike and asked for forgiveness.# B0 [" U. r# Y) @$ y/ ]
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
$ Q8 h: F4 X2 Y2 w3 v6 e# l) [6 |+ ?辆然后求上帝宽恕。. q( C/ N1 J! [! E1 L; h8 F
& X2 ^( L/ H1 T2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
2 s0 i) Q- x# D. O! S* |# k8 Hnd yelling like the passengers in his car.' o1 j2 a$ c9 a' b
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一" b. F3 S+ X/ b8 _) q' Q
样死法啊!+ y4 B) `$ _! D5 v
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3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
' C% C" s T) P" Nwith experience.
& K5 C/ B" ]" G5 B) q6 e8 h$ w* X你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.$ e. ?0 R0 P, ]& X
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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4 a+ ?* X- s- b; w6 J意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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1 E3 V9 T: `# D5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...6 {! _$ }1 K1 R7 _8 C7 C
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞...
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3 e! J; k! N. a8 [2 D4 ub. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。9 l, t6 h# N$ _
- q# W* `: E F$ w$ D. a& b3 L6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!- Q' M1 `/ n. i5 T9 ~
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。# m/ M, w0 Z6 d8 Z, v2 h+ `( }/ ^* h2 \
: l) D! x2 A6 Z) n; N7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
, r; R0 E- `! W6 y1 M& q在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.+ ~% u1 e$ |3 m8 ]% d
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd . K8 e# ]9 U. c+ Y& b5 t4 h( B7 q
better have a good hand.
% c2 O# A1 y, _; y9 O5 MXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。5 ~3 s7 k( {; N! }' B, Y7 b
+ x4 ], ], d! z7 p" |/ [9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca8 B1 w6 N6 {* W2 R* v: C
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
; N7 G4 m8 s9 R- n; S有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去9 P' [3 h- m0 r, [; ^ w* M1 a
还是很有喜感。5 R: g& n2 z: s0 A
+ M! `: T f Y2 P: b10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan! k2 O) N3 V" A
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
6 m" p. Q% X% C) d1 ?/ X& B2 v政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏8 l V+ d$ r a/ | c
了!!
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.: T& m) a/ d: w/ F
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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# B% ~7 w, m4 l* {12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship3 h$ T# t# X) v' ~, m3 d* P' X
.
7 {, J2 w- S% z+ G) ia. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!9 S t7 }! j% s- ~% }$ d* s
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b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。: e, q K3 Z, N0 x& }
5 l& ~+ T/ X" z6 A; |13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public./ N! b& g2 g" s; y, ?" e
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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# X( `6 [, K& I, e1 [7 R. E! C. ^; A14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
3 X) E2 T3 k7 v) d' r" H0 Kn, make him a sandwich.' O) _9 ?1 ?/ f) O! N& O6 A1 w+ _* Y
男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!: _ R4 b- V! i- W0 Y
8 e& v" g: B7 Q( x' z- L15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
) t8 C( T/ Y+ k9 X1 c! ]il you hear them speak.5 _' ], l, @1 H0 t3 C8 ~/ v4 ]# N
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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. S6 F& y$ A" Y) E6 M. o5 ?16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
' o7 `& Q7 w9 A9 V0 Q {$ i6 U) A我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。# S0 Z( g( l: b; o% W, {3 A) G
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
8 f+ m6 u; {7 r6 n, f# v曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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: c9 d$ s% O! V! t! {18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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) q6 `# T! X1 }/ r3 s7 E/ i你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~% j' s- V, i& b! [, q3 q) r
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
1 t" p& {; n; ~XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案..." O% g! O# C( A' k& o; f8 L
/ e* O, z+ i( C& b$ G20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
2 O! k: H9 N3 P1 d; Z0 I; T$ z. f! Ltell you why it isn't.2 i* m. ~- X$ M; M- Q: K4 ?/ {" @
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。$ W6 H1 x5 X% b0 G8 Y! I
( I9 Q+ O' E; q8 V1 C21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole0 U. b3 x$ r! @4 n) q7 o
box to start a campfire?
" E, k3 K/ W, \4 H# H直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
- Q( G+ h7 Z1 H. y# i8 C意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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2 O0 J3 q8 H6 {! R/ r4 t22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy5 i/ l; a* V! u. ` @2 W, `
s it?
1 Q, f0 g1 L- ]! j9 E如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?& |$ \0 r; x( \0 W b3 m
5 o- e+ S, Y. p1 C/ j0 X: A23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
8 T: o0 Y9 @6 s7 a- c9 u+ Auit salad.
4 B4 J2 V. a3 ?+ }7 ?9 x直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。* A5 a8 \) c" _8 f2 h+ ^! D
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
9 F" \5 Z8 }6 G! S! D篮子。+ [2 z5 p) o" n
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~& F1 t) N' z$ T1 M( q( e
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24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
' N3 S9 [! Q* Z: t9 y" C6 e% V上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!; R) d" A* B( l" I3 `
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
. j( f' R5 _; ?, V! Usame night.; C$ ]/ r l) E: O; z/ _
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。6 I/ L( n4 @6 e0 n' x2 e. @6 b
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
% I0 p3 R- W+ y5 t老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
: V5 V, @ l6 r" p) J! u. On my desk, I have a work station..
& c- \. U+ q1 o7 b8 I7 s公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…3 k6 ^9 l1 ^* U) `
% \" p& j) c# x9 ?9 y! N28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
* R4 x8 c3 K9 o; n要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv* B2 ]1 E) z% `- C0 w, P. [+ W
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the; ~) h' ]) \. L) O2 e
m fish?+ l; w1 l: H; ], @/ R! `
海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃0 \2 k9 S3 i' H8 [
了。
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: }9 R) @' [6 g' K# v" Z30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin) s7 [5 i- H6 W: {4 x" W
g.1 Q2 S/ H3 k5 H8 p$ u
a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!" ?$ ?( V) J1 j8 n% A7 X
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!6 {0 ]4 g( t% f2 u8 o2 I1 N% M
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan3 A1 i! W+ s4 ?- v( @; @
ts?"" o! Y) s+ v' v
瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”- l3 d! e1 Z, f: `6 z
: M4 w* J6 ~6 R32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk7 B2 y( j' U; }% {2 `. @9 m- V
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
! t8 ~9 z5 `. E& Y9 k* x$ Jup.( V; l1 H+ T8 r+ ~. I
孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu3 [ I) ~3 m1 [( }
t check when you say the paint is wet?: ~$ O4 {0 [3 w, W4 A/ ~7 P9 [
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?4 P1 I3 U/ |2 {0 E, Y( h4 V T1 a
! w8 c Y5 D& y' ^: e5 N% y/ A34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al! H: N6 {4 f+ a1 ~7 t$ ^( b& Y: A
l doubt.
7 \8 ]) r& }& r+ p) ma. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。% {6 ]1 b! P: {
b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。$ @0 _( L% w( Z! [
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
0 C6 o& c- g4 e; l. }" U* h7 ad. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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M3 h# b- ^6 t! ]35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don' x2 M- Z' m6 b) ]" x6 |! w6 R
t need it.8 Z" ~% I/ ?5 G; Y0 o3 [1 J0 r
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方& q! Y F- N, D- }$ P6 z, M
8 |) c k8 c$ C$ @$ q+ K36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
q# {# |# R! E# fa.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。9 b. L& ~3 _4 s( z* G
7 m8 X$ V8 l+ ^, E6 q9 gb. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。( Z9 d% W1 ~) `
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37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!6 B( K# S0 u( l O4 m# u
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!& a: G( h, ~% w9 _3 r
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫) l. u; r: y& I5 Y
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
0 J$ w( Z, K8 f+ E' Oa. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
' M9 A" n0 T$ E; w9 T: J意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”4 Y" d, j- t& q+ r# I# l: r
c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。5 d% A; K1 H- R* }0 j
' L4 c1 X' ?( U3 _: h; g! {3 M39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.# l! _1 V* L9 i$ O! v/ |
a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
# j& A+ y% n* D4 Y. B6 ]b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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/ `% ^8 j7 w) O- }8 u40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.* y( a$ j! q+ @! C
临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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* P4 z$ m8 R1 A! A9 {0 \41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with% [' u2 \4 Q( w; O3 U/ ^
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.. X/ O: _( l$ W) ]9 n
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
W9 q' M% o/ x* t$ N7 K3 o3 D。
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: w1 A$ C7 C5 U# f4 q/ P42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
E+ k' s3 V& l( E( [小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。3 y8 q5 O. t2 z* a% G' q
3 ~2 K' P3 R& D" j! W. u3 ?
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi3 K8 d$ q+ R5 |
rls live.3 [, r9 q: ?' r0 c) J" l; G V2 @
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!1 T3 w5 S$ ^/ @/ |/ A* h9 V
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear; u$ s+ u7 {6 u0 S3 z$ ]
ch.
* N! A+ m" r3 k) L! J5 `剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
+ j* A& u4 A& n9 t F意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。6 C" ?$ f+ k y2 ^+ J
]2 [) k5 x. ~) b8 Z45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
, k4 b& b6 Z+ Z( b: m/ n5 n5 k# y# n有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a ( `1 w2 R% u/ a3 [. [; x" C
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot./ [" F- T% b+ |. Z
我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨$ \* z& P4 _9 h
叫声是一样滴。
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- r5 q' y: }- j6 i+ p8 c47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
) A" K3 d8 Y+ _5 c1 ~直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。! Q N- K' C$ e, e9 l, @2 `2 E
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。" P7 n' p4 W) P% [9 ^
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
$ {6 n9 z9 |% e+ N我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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' J; S2 Z2 \' c3 j, T/ `49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc+ `6 h0 X* f( D% N
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
* W, z8 s7 G, E+ q$ A% W: J/ ?当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
" F& O8 R- n, Q* W么忙?!+ c% E% n8 a7 h9 l! O
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
8 H, [- A* a+ t* @6 W% T上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!
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