1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a 3 r0 _3 t: F" \" P2 \1 d! L
bike and asked for forgiveness." Q1 b2 m: E4 \& ?; ~
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一* D4 \4 g" q5 B0 T2 I% Z
辆然后求上帝宽恕。0 S1 E3 \5 c6 N4 @- v$ {
; m4 i: V# U! M
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
, O: [7 t1 d8 b5 mnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
% X3 V8 t; F% Q, F; a# z* q我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一# O! W/ D- b) X" c( U
样死法啊!
I# N4 X6 Z, T- o7 P; ~3 u, I; [/ N x& D% H( N4 f. z0 F9 X
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you1 u1 i- l \, ? L3 p, B
with experience.9 s( N& A4 y, o. M$ k! ?
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你5 Q5 C1 m1 ^$ {5 n" z
6 o/ `( k' V# W4 Z7 N3 z/ [+ s( d0 J# Z6 @& [2 W
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
H( h- v8 i% `) v( I7 C直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
( A: C$ g8 I: d9 c
& F2 V) l/ J4 l4 P9 p7 ~意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
& k7 X' B, x4 E' m/ V/ t. R6 g. H
意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。; v7 E3 d7 w t9 R* z
2 X" s5 J1 r+ |* U- [& B6 Z
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
' [6 g& |$ J! K) M, ma. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞...
4 ]% K- g7 u# I# Y" O& @, L. `
' X3 {& x+ Z5 E+ c. Cb. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。2 r) l8 U1 v: f2 A* A5 g3 D
6 I8 e9 Q& O: v! B! S. z6 N* a
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.* N, Z. q7 [% X0 f5 V6 s$ c) N2 N
* [6 _3 M6 @& ?- M" q1 M4 }a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!! a. X5 z$ w4 v; Q2 w$ s
. f! f/ i; M' [9 G4 q7 o: Tb. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
. k7 k7 ?( Z+ g9 ]& i
1 a) i T8 |6 Y8 v M# @. ` |& L7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
- D, `7 H" B: B3 v在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.8 a6 z% Q9 ?5 m+ O6 Z2 v
. v% T9 ^4 h: _5 k i) D3 t
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd - W" v( ]; u( `' t5 j% j
better have a good hand.
; }7 M- m! k6 lXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
+ p$ `/ P4 N: D! u$ {" R! h! {% {$ X# o: w8 w% r, [( s1 h$ Y$ T
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca0 B' x+ K8 A; K$ [
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
2 K% j- Y' @/ ]/ f& J0 L' Q8 y) D有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
% K3 Q' ^! m+ ^4 N还是很有喜感。
# q( n$ p2 I; ^$ y% ?( N7 q; g$ H! g% l8 Q* L
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan1 o- ~: }* A+ ^, `6 n2 p. ?
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
" U3 k+ E( Z! v9 {/ `. D政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏6 ?7 f v' A) \! M7 x; \: Z; A
了!!
1 h6 ~: V/ {- p+ A* g2 N* W) @* C" S# Z8 W5 j- p
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
8 T$ v/ w, [% |& [8 B战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。2 O9 U. ^4 Q0 Q9 q/ _- _* j
! M* y3 c5 ^7 |& H( i% H0 \12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
5 }; U2 Z9 U, _+ e2 w T" o( F& Q.
' O% w& i" |! [7 v/ S& Aa. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
" o$ A; O3 H0 N: W. _- i' c) \4 O: F9 H$ w6 U
b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。( q1 d8 ^3 Q+ Z v
2 R+ _7 d9 I* }7 p% M7 ~13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
E2 c8 s( j1 b$ J: i" D我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。' O8 @5 W% f! B5 m( z2 j/ f
: o! L& n5 R! Z& h' @
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
1 m0 D5 y8 U' l% K" H% pn, make him a sandwich.
: a/ V! K& }6 Q2 o3 G% p5 t男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!6 p: x5 E) h5 t8 F
* o! f% P# X' h$ v8 p, F3 x
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
+ y# D M0 a/ z. til you hear them speak.
; E( s0 P C. g光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...( A, g8 t% ~3 y7 m: X# ^- p
% ^7 l2 ~5 }* _$ D9 f4 j
& a! L3 ?8 W' G3 p7 O) x8 e9 a1 i V16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
3 S' R# u5 u3 n6 M+ b- X我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。( C$ |" M1 g. D; ^ L/ e
+ @9 B" ~8 ]4 Y17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
" D! D1 a" F V i" f曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。" p1 W3 y& ^$ w0 ~, b5 m
! ?7 i, W* c7 N/ S# D6 s18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment' h5 V$ z5 ]/ j4 A7 ~. I. U
s.
' d m. o0 O) p) g; [% I8 H' H你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~& R/ |; a4 l- W& ~5 G+ A( ^/ G3 I
: g p, P2 x: i F- p+ \9 \
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.2 o9 V9 B) w- s) z9 q# R
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
7 @) E9 ?" W) C8 _
7 H+ a4 Z! w# i20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
: q7 _6 U3 C0 H* m; htell you why it isn't.% p- F7 g1 [: S( I& |( `* }
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
5 n; m4 D% w8 x
7 \) }) b% X. G' f21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole E6 N9 V: p) d
box to start a campfire?+ w3 h, }4 u2 v* k, I* R S
直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!. a- h; s- U6 ?3 S4 @* o
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
) W- u+ U A& _9 F4 ~- N$ v4 O! \2 m1 a g/ u4 R7 Q4 ?: R* o
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
4 S$ I2 I( e% c8 }$ Ns it?
4 q# w) _% B1 J) U. N2 B U如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?& j' G$ z4 |' P* `4 L
. Z3 J! B7 f" s5 ~% v1 h, p23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
7 K" Q! P# w4 `: ]uit salad.
0 A3 C! ~4 r7 Y a6 g# m直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。4 A, W* y; i% p4 a
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
( R: I H8 h ~! E) l篮子。
# ~: L8 I T) F/ `1 ^ s; G意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
U) L9 Q. v! `+ k; V1 M& j5 p' c* l7 U0 ]
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.0 z# l* k# k% z
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
. x4 G) ]3 j, p/ r, ~) U b& N$ ] R7 V! Y. O$ E3 F
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
. z8 G/ N& l8 }; Psame night.
7 t$ \5 B; W$ q7 G5 R无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
7 [0 Z/ I0 f, V! z$ ~# s& E8 ]6 G% [% F/ e8 q( T& v
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian1 W0 Y* a& K/ d8 u: z# {; d$ H- o; z8 \
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。' G x: k O' n, t
1 |6 D' O* ~. m27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
{9 d% O9 G: O9 F% h. On my desk, I have a work station..- V" r( x! m0 Z3 I/ J% m) I* Q
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
1 {5 j/ K& V* b5 o& }5 L: X- Z3 n1 f& @# W) x$ Y I1 H
28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.; Y7 L8 {8 i3 U2 I
要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
0 p: H+ c1 `' d$ ?
, Z8 r0 d+ d! X( _0 ^9 C29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
$ s# _! P& A4 g. w( u. uity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
5 C& R8 u' e+ \* R: r& z' @m fish?
4 T5 ]1 }% D3 V. o2 S. Y( K. x海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
* g+ N2 Z' J% {. q& s了。
0 H3 ^; [3 o& l* N& {. m% ^' ~
6 c( [% K' z- P) m$ D30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin) E3 q0 |6 q+ E0 {% W0 `
g.
0 g) I9 d0 r$ T: s. I% m" Y0 pa. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
! V# A- f. z& a. b$ Db. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!7 q& J) ^5 c8 w* {; R9 b' o6 `( l
/ G1 Q T# g) |* a3 z2 w8 e
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan* T6 f3 h& d' R0 F8 z
ts?"
3 L& I8 D4 r$ [- m% S瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”3 ^9 w1 z7 y8 I. D: R+ v
& @7 I2 i0 A2 f: v7 z3 E- Q" [
32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
. x, a7 w; I W( T W+ e3 [, Qand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-( ~) V" e, h$ p3 E- X( C/ B0 A( i
up.
* f$ e V& h2 V$ R H. z孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。6 a5 }" B4 N7 u4 o8 t9 K. L
$ ]. ~% F Y! ~4 v s7 b/ F33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu/ s' r9 {* t$ o7 R. |+ v2 ^% l
t check when you say the paint is wet?
! S+ S# ^" E+ f为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
0 P: I$ M3 B) Q$ O( O; S: K2 m* v3 O9 I' ^0 L
34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al4 W, G; ? B, `8 Z' p6 W2 w* r
l doubt.
7 A6 [; U% p i! I) Aa. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。* F) ^" y( t4 m) j: o) j7 P
b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。6 D- W3 x7 m% u& J3 _2 U7 k+ y8 u8 s
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
7 A* s' V. ?/ U7 ud. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。) G1 N1 g6 b1 e5 s2 E
( ^- ~5 o$ R' h$ f
35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don' D: ^& @* P! l
t need it.+ q! b0 Y4 Y( t5 u2 r) n
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方: ~% y$ N0 Z% H% k4 K
/ x4 H* @: ^( f( @4 i36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.6 _7 Z4 B: J4 R: E6 r1 L
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。! _6 U) q8 K" F' b
# E; o! P' Z8 h8 p" {& pb. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
/ [3 @2 ~* A7 q+ h( W
4 O) t! f _/ p% j37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!1 r( j; Z, n5 T5 @ \" T# f
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!" m V+ a( H- [( D& j8 _
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫, O( A; E9 d( t+ |
! L% C& |* C. ^* f38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
0 I, p3 v7 ~* w, La. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?# U z1 h3 ?2 r) g
意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”& H) A" c3 y( K" U& V' u* i$ @
c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
/ Z# I/ l3 s1 ] i# Z. @$ V) y, Q( h1 f
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.$ | \' _. A$ _6 I+ f3 t; N. [4 Y
a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
7 v" W5 k3 j1 Nb. 想立牌坊就得会装
# w \* r9 S) P {( ]0 b9 B
' \- x/ z/ L. N2 U$ I40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.2 n$ L6 x$ R4 b/ l
临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~$ d6 x- h) Y9 a& k
' O( P# t4 g9 p- [% A9 Q' S; [, u
41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
3 o9 u9 Q$ V/ E4 R2 [a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
$ c* r% F) s) j如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
+ V) p* ~5 m a/ A8 b0 t。
* ^# A8 J5 ~) O7 N K+ \ f
8 R1 ^5 i* E. r' s4 A42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.% T9 c% f1 @' K' F: e6 R
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
' {- h" C! z2 d. q- a8 k/ }9 N4 c8 U& `
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi; v/ p# y: W/ Q9 }! X# _& y
rls live.9 G, v2 V8 d( J9 |
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
' o. Q. E5 ^, x! M- p1 }$ P# v" T1 Z3 G9 d' Q
44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
9 @8 p! X- E: p$ ych.
& c7 S% f, U6 ]& f, x2 n剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
@1 D! y3 D$ p$ ?0 D% o+ [' J意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
. n4 L0 g) f. D' F2 N H- ]: |, }' J+ A" x! y/ L
45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
; m: K- I7 S' A C% N2 Y) f# O" G1 S有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
' R( z3 ~( }1 _9 H6 x; E- ~2 m, m6 `
46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a A7 d* J% P8 \; P. P) E# {9 s
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. e2 B7 ^! Q. g2 D" M
我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨# k7 R+ _7 D F. y6 h! h
叫声是一样滴。
; D) M1 b6 {2 i
7 v' s0 w+ L5 m: n! Y47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
) h" H6 U) p8 v; p/ o _2 X. f# X直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。+ N1 G6 v- l+ f
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
" G/ Z" L* ]: |: c/ ^: x
* O/ f# H4 J* \( m48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.+ \% M7 s X% L' W+ K
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!% a7 V: \/ E4 @$ p, T, R8 a
/ x& _& S" u$ `8 S- [49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
! N! Y7 v5 k" v- C Gy, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?) v2 ~. i( v( p# y; b! ^
当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
+ R) L8 `& K+ A4 i么忙?!$ U& k5 `: s e9 Q& `2 _7 Z$ _
7 N) x7 e$ B% m Z50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.6 B1 V9 ^) s/ l
上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!
% ~3 ^" c9 x& ]) u1 O$ f9 [ |