1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a : @; Y' O. b! f, J- T# ~
bike and asked for forgiveness.2 l: ~7 t7 p& E# ~/ |
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一4 y0 ]& |, T5 B+ M' @) _0 \
辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
, X9 ~$ g4 |0 M. ^8 Gnd yelling like the passengers in his car.% Q' R5 U' i) T
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
: `% C! e( F& Y% f7 [& W5 [样死法啊!
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2 q I. n/ ?9 k; E, X3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
$ {* o& r' o& H1 H( o L* D% ywith experience.
2 w9 M, z, ^: J- Q. v4 p你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.; @# z4 G! Q9 A" y
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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4 d# T3 {3 Y8 e7 O意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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5 j; @ \, a) h l U5 y* P" h5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
0 C% E. ~7 y+ R3 {a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞...+ b' m' D( Y$ n y2 Z$ n1 m
2 J5 F; U, j" a* xb. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。: h' `- y, f' k- M P
1 H) T0 Q7 g$ g6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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1 g8 x _- z4 m/ G, l6 {a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。! N. r$ l, d7 Y, B: K) r
* P6 M0 P" C7 ^; n, ?7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
. z1 [" m( a& y$ X, V! F$ H在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快. b- u+ v" n, J z3 Y
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
2 j4 m/ @4 t" |3 N& e; f+ `better have a good hand.
# ~& q; S" |6 qXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。5 }- K1 p4 o+ `, k6 m5 Y, H
- K1 p u4 t" m J1 u/ J; c9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
% Q7 O! \+ u Z7 X. b8 s9 B: Rn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
6 g( b, ?# k3 s. q$ x! h' n有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
( m; n, Z0 ?" h0 Z/ f还是很有喜感。& d _9 N9 F/ o* ~( z9 e! G
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan# M4 \3 H/ B+ z- H8 l5 m+ ~) ]
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
, [6 y7 z% q8 O9 m: O% ]2 L; C政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
1 T- k% g! Q" k8 |- \. g }了!!
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.4 w, D8 b3 R9 U
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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1 j( e- @" ^' K7 \a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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5 \ E) r6 h5 z" S( M2 s! p) Lb. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。9 z( C% ^" o' S+ U% p3 K
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.9 X, }. q8 @1 q% F4 s/ L
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。+ N8 ~$ Z4 h8 A% o e* R- i
7 a3 n3 Z V% E" {% O+ s1 L14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio, L# P. t5 k5 j
n, make him a sandwich.
1 E5 j! p O8 `+ u. W8 a男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!9 j) i5 p! V) S, }
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
^/ z4 c# |5 D0 R# {% U, iil you hear them speak.% Z: ^6 d- [3 a, M \" Q
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...2 u; J$ S6 \% {4 [
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.$ e0 m' c: ^" [7 G) A3 E$ |
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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( Y% ^' @) Y! h d! h' r6 a17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.7 l% v. j4 e' O; ~- j
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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0 x; g2 V3 |( o y/ k. g1 i# ^/ b6 n你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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5 U1 l. @1 H: ?# Y$ V) X: R+ C/ F19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.4 O6 |! Y2 b3 J! b9 x
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to 0 y7 w$ U1 `; }
tell you why it isn't.
+ D z' F, n8 u6 ^晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole3 j3 { L2 u8 D$ g2 ?5 D; T4 `
box to start a campfire?
: d! Y* U* w: [: O: Q# I {( v直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
- N2 K) o1 q+ s; G意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科$ _4 C9 b( m- P# w! t0 M- {! g
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy% F J; |$ @2 y$ s( X" K
s it?" Q; a( G) F- P6 t" s9 Y4 Q* v
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
u$ c. {; o' U/ A7 euit salad.- C( Z! {5 ~2 t9 t
直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。. z; E5 P5 T' X: T( y$ h' |
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
: S; f* V* l9 R+ U& B篮子。
# `! F- z3 Y: j* v _5 ~意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
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, E2 Q' ^) w3 o2 S4 R6 D/ w24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
# `/ r) w7 g- p6 }+ ~4 h上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the3 m+ I& u: ^" k! V. i
same night.) [* M t; D: M8 y3 U- y
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。# K B9 |+ ]5 k7 S
! L! y3 z9 u0 j4 P; s26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian/ u8 H7 N S& W
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。6 {& L6 j8 @: E# i. v
! Q4 H, k* n7 G6 Z27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops; J" M- u9 b& m" N# f1 L! Z
. On my desk, I have a work station..
* E$ i8 }* g& R0 D) x$ ?1 m) ?. t公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…5 h) @' e' L; n
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.( M3 N9 p e0 K3 b' U. n
要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。; s/ u4 b& D3 e
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
+ k) V3 I+ G$ C& e. k) ~/ [# G! v* Xity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
: J! d! }+ H/ X9 nm fish?" C/ V* _' m+ ?0 v& ]7 F
海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃8 Q: ?9 N* w0 B6 u' \/ k s
了。
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin7 N. Z- r7 X, L( J9 C- w( P
g.
7 L/ N9 G0 z! H5 }) _1 Ua. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
. |, Z" H+ \6 Ab. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!& c( v/ D% I; V6 l+ h d
/ H1 \; N- n) a31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
" Y% S: K! d9 v" [) w# Z! v `ts?"% s& u6 o7 C6 i3 U# D4 `
瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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/ V: c {( L! e" i& k32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk4 X" h; M R! P; W: w3 P% k/ h0 J* Q
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-2 M" |: \, n( l
up.2 N: J. ^" v# U2 c$ O1 W
孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu* s) N0 i& e- Z6 p5 I& k- I1 B# ^5 T
t check when you say the paint is wet?, V' Z. A; z7 f/ U- g. T1 G
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?, G# R# X& B/ a& U- D
- n8 w5 i) V, t) {0 t2 v' N34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al- L; ?" g/ p1 [
l doubt.
* K9 z! G- \0 v- Xa. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
; ^9 `0 b! O5 D- U9 qb. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
, U; E+ @- g2 k* \; @c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
0 e6 ^% o* m# d2 Rd. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。# w" P% l Z9 z- X; J! @
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35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'4 C$ n+ z/ N: A$ H0 t% I! i; r
t need it.
7 a# f1 q5 q1 ?# N& A4 ]: U银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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) Z3 \. w+ p4 `6 C0 b36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
6 A9 ?7 _0 b# j- h8 b9 qa.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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3 f! _7 X- G7 X7 C. R% z" Pb. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
9 E) @% ?' I- o9 ?% |( [- L6 qa. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!* c8 t. H* e7 @( X: `( B( k; x
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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: Q. w- ]! H1 X# Q/ V& d38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.6 `% {3 F& U+ c) J! Y$ x7 k
a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?$ M5 H1 S$ [9 }# `0 _4 O
意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
! {, u2 r0 n# n' Tc. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。, r) t, W+ x. N- Y( |
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.0 G7 h. x+ P/ |8 o+ v6 V
a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
9 m4 ^. {9 Z5 k+ t2 u9 hb. 想立牌坊就得会装6 H: n* p r/ \; k0 W. Z( u2 H
0 k5 c) I; l* W8 d40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.( T w! D) ?# _+ R7 J9 u _
临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with0 s. M1 Y4 K9 b
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
! H8 @6 H9 E b) |* z如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
% Z7 A9 F9 D' g( v+ y+ z5 t。
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$ ]; }# m. Y* M) E42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.& e' o$ }* t# H) c
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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7 H9 a7 M0 {; `% [" ?3 Q; M7 M43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
- ]& f% z l; l/ O, v! trls live./ P+ l) E6 ]9 N: \2 j8 I" l
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!* U# r& a" K; {6 q. h+ j
' |3 T0 k% }0 I7 |- I44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
2 [" K# O! \ ?+ Z, Pch.
# ~- f% W" n# B6 ]) ~6 X$ E! {+ Z剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。2 }0 s5 J$ G" @% c$ x
意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
. M! T* E1 k4 K2 Q) c$ ~- S+ ?有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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# i d" ]* z0 m* a46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
; ~3 E% S. w8 g- A. M+ Cgreat white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
* R! N( b6 O% _7 F5 h6 ?我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨" D( z0 T; R% J4 F7 h
叫声是一样滴。
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47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.# ?: s! d' [$ f! c
直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。& K: `/ f3 M! Z3 Q2 h* l
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.3 k6 e9 o: ~- {
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc# X1 W7 r5 m1 O- A, \
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
' E$ y1 n$ z( R. P" j当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
' p6 }% A8 c2 K% X! v么忙?!
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
! f4 K: m* @) f# C3 C) n% ]上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!7 U/ q: q2 m% d) `
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